i know that 2023 exists somewhere in my mind but it’s been hard to access. the rate at which this year flew by has surpassed any year before it.
i don’t think that every year will continually pass so quickly for me. this year has held some of the best experiences i’ve ever had, in hand with the worst periods of mental health i’ve felt in a while.
i’ve been spending the past few weeks trying to unpack what specifically i have been feeling, that has been festering such negative periods of self-talk for me. here are a few that i’ve identified, maybe they will resonate with you too:
this year i decided to do a 3.5 month remote working trip from the uk and europe, alone for the most part. i realized i’d been in a slump of personal growth, so for my 25th year of life, i said:
“it’s time to be uncomfortable”.
i knew i would grow from this trip and i did. so many positive things came from the journey; friendship, outgoingness, trust in myself, and learning how to be alone.
what i didn’t prepare for is the weight of these new traits and how they fit into my life when i returned to canada, to “my life”. this is what has made the latter half of the year so difficult for me. i don’t know where i even fit in with myself anymore. it’s easier to recede into my own thoughts of negativity then to strive to maintain the positive features of my travel.
i have always really struggled with the concept of staying and being present. that’s the way my anxiety works, i live in the future, thinking about what could go wrong. it’s a terrible state of mind to be in. i want to battle it this year with consistency.
one of the practices i took with me on my trip was journaling in a free-form way. i thought it would help me stay present and it did. i want to share some of my pages with you. the words on the pages are images and videos in my mind on repeat.
short monthly reflections:
i would fill in the april, may and june reflections early in the continuing month when i felt in the right mood. whatever came to mind for me in those moments was a sign that it was what was meant to be on the page. and reminders of what i did on certain days.
moments:
moment pages are by far my favourite practice. a blank slate for each month, writing (or drawing) small moments that just stand still for you. that you could close your eyes and be there. everyone of those short sentences is a visceral moment for me, i can relive it anytime i come to these pages and that is so special.
spontaneous reflections:
i would channel my feelings onto the page to archive special moments i wanted to reflect on. looking at these feels like what i would imagine gold to feel like if it was spreading throughout your body, like sunshine.
just wanted to let you know i’m making some changes to the newsletter into the new year. it’s not feeling very “me” lately and i want it to reflect more of myself for you. part of that is going to include a name change… so get ready to say goodbye to “the afterglow”.
i’m going to work on getting some new year preparation out to you hopefully before the new year itself… but if not happy holidays & new year to you all. thanks for following me on this journey. love you.
love this!!!!!